How to make friends online as an adult

Making friends gets harder after school and university. You no longer see the same people every day, time is tighter, and many adults move for work or study and end up somewhere they know nobody. The internet can help, but only if you use it in a way that leads to repeated contact with the same people.

This guide covers where to start, how a single good conversation turns into a friendship, and how to stay safe while you do it.

Why it is harder as an adult

Friendships usually form through three things: being near the same people, seeing them again and again, and having relaxed time together. School provides all three automatically. Adult life rarely does. So the goal online is to recreate them: find people with a shared interest, see them repeatedly, and give conversations room to breathe.

Start from your interests

The easiest friendships start around something you already enjoy. It gives you a reason to talk and something to come back to.

• Communities built around a hobby. Forums, subreddits and Discord servers for a game, a sport, a craft or a TV series. Join the conversation regularly rather than just reading.
• Online games with voice or team play. Playing with the same group repeatedly is one of the most natural ways adults make friends online.
• Classes and courses. Online language classes, coding groups and book clubs put you with the same people every week.
• Local groups that meet in person. Sites such as Meetup list groups for hobbies and socialising. Starting online and meeting at a public group event combines the best of both.

Be a regular

In any community, people notice the names they see often. Show up consistently, reply to other people’s posts, and be the person who says “welcome” to newcomers. Friendships tend to follow familiarity.

Turning a good chat into a friendship

1. Enjoy the conversation first. Do not rush to exchange contact details.
2. Suggest a next time around the shared interest. “Want to play again tomorrow?” or “Let me know what you think of that book.”
3. Move slowly. Friendship builds over several conversations, not one.
4. Keep it two-way. Ask about them, remember what they said, and follow up next time.

Where random chat fits in

Random chat sites, including RandomHey, are good for practising conversation, meeting people from other countries and having a one-off chat when you feel like talking. They are not designed for building friendships over time.

To be clear about RandomHey specifically: there are no profiles, friend lists, followers or ways to find the same person again. When a chat ends, it ends. If you want an ongoing friendship, communities built around shared interests are a better fit. Random chat can still help you get more comfortable talking to new people, which makes everything else easier.

Staying safe while making friends online

• Keep personal details private at first: full name, address, workplace, phone number.
• Be careful when someone wants to move to another app quickly. The FBI lists being asked to move from one platform to another as a warning sign in its guidance on sextortion.
• Remember that photos and videos are not proof of identity. The FBI notes that images can be altered or stolen.
• Never send money to someone you have only met online.
• If you meet in person, meet in a public place and tell a friend where you are going.

Our guide to staying safe when you talk to strangers online goes into more detail.

Be patient with yourself

Making friends takes time for everyone, and one quiet week does not mean it is not working. Pick one community around something you enjoy, show up regularly for a month, and see who you keep talking to.

If you want to practise starting conversations in the meantime, read how to start a conversation with a stranger or try a random text chat.