How to start a conversation with a stranger, or with anyone (online and in person)

The first few seconds of a random chat feel awkward for almost everyone. You do not know the other person, you do not know what they want to talk about, and there is no shared context to lean on. The good news is that starting a conversation with a stranger is a skill, not a personality trait. A few simple habits make it much easier.

This guide focuses on talking to strangers online, by text or video, but almost everything here also works in person.

Why the first few seconds feel so hard

With a stranger, both people are guessing. Is the other person friendly? Are they busy? Will they think the opener is strange? That uncertainty makes most people wait for the other person to go first, which is why so many chats begin with two people typing “hi” and then nothing.

The fix is to take the guesswork away. Give the other person something easy to respond to. A greeting on its own asks nothing. A greeting plus a light question gives them a reason to answer.

Three openers that work

1. Ask about something you share

If you both chose the same interest before the chat started, you already have a topic. “You picked photography too. What do you like to shoot?” is specific, friendly and easy to answer. On RandomHey, you are told when you share an interest or a language, so use it.

2. Use the conversation starter

When a chat starts, you both see the same optional conversation starter, such as “What is a topic you could talk about for an hour?” It is there so neither of you has to invent an opener. Answering it yourself first, then asking the other person, is a natural way in.

3. Say something honest about the moment

In person, comment on the situation you are both in: the queue, the weather, the event. Online, a light honest line works: “First chat of the day, so be kind. What are you up to?” Honesty lowers the pressure for both of you.

Ask open questions

A closed question can be answered with one word. An open question invites a story. Compare these:

• Closed: “Do you like music?” Open: “What song has been stuck in your head lately?”
• Closed: “Have you travelled much?” Open: “What place would you love to visit that is not on the usual tourist list?”
• Closed: “Are you a student?” Open: “What are you into at the moment?”

Questions that start with “what”, “how” or “which” usually work better than ones that start with “do” or “are”.

15 good questions to ask a stranger

None of these ask for personal details, which matters when you are talking to someone you have never met.

1. What is something small that made you happy this week?
2. What is a topic you could talk about for an hour?
3. If you could learn any skill instantly, what would it be?
4. What is a hobby you have always wanted to try?
5. What is the best piece of advice you have been given?
6. What film could you rewatch any time without getting bored?
7. What series would you recommend to someone who has a free weekend?
8. Which artist would you most like to see live?
9. What book changed how you think about something?
10. What dish do you make when you want to impress someone?
11. What place would you love to visit that is not on the usual tourist list?
12. What game have you sunk the most hours into?
13. What piece of technology do you think is underrated?
14. What is your favourite way to spend a rainy day?
15. What is your favourite kind of landscape: mountains, sea, forest or city?

For more ideas grouped by topic, see conversation topics for talking to strangers, or pick from 100 icebreaker questions.

How to keep the conversation going

• Follow up before you change topic. If they say they like hiking, ask where, or what their best walk was. One follow-up question shows you listened.
• Share something back. A conversation is not an interview. After a couple of questions, offer your own answer.
• Match their energy. Short replies usually mean they are busy or not interested. Long replies mean keep going.
• Keep it light at first. Save deeper topics for when the chat is clearly going well.

It is fine to move on

Not every conversation clicks, and that is normal. Online, pressing Next is part of how random chat works and does not need an explanation. In person, “It was nice talking to you, enjoy the rest of your day” is enough. More exit lines are in how to end a conversation politely.

If someone makes you uncomfortable, do not try to be polite. Use Block to end the chat at once, or Report to send it to a moderator. You can read how both work on our safety page.

Online vs in person: what changes

• Online, you have less context. You cannot see body language in text chat, so be a little more explicit and friendly in how you write.
• Online, you can leave instantly. That makes it a low-risk place to practise starting conversations.
• Online, protect your details. Do not share your full name, address, phone number or social media with someone you just met. Our guide to staying safe when you talk to strangers online covers the warning signs.

Try it

The fastest way to get better at starting conversations is to start a few. If you would rather not use a camera, random text chat is a low-pressure way to practise. If you are ready to talk face to face, try a random video chat.